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4 Reasons Why You’re Stuck in a Clutter Cycle and How to End It [Episode 6]

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How do you break the cycle of decluttering, then shopping … then decluttering again? If you want to stop yo-yo decluttering listen to this episode of The Simply + Fiercely Show to learn four reasons why you’re stuck in a clutter cycle and how to end it.

In this Episode:

  • When it’s OK to be a clutter cycle + when it’s a problem
  • The shopping mistake almost everyone makes
  • The surprising beliefs that lead to clutter
  • Why you should beware the “decluttering permission slip”

Featured in this Episode:

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Note: this is not an exact transcript and has been edited for clarity.

4 Reasons Why You’re Stuck In A Clutter Cycle And How To End It

Hey, everyone, it’s Jen here and welcome to episode six of The Simply and Fiercely Show. Today, we’re going to have a chat about clutter cycles, why they happen, and how to break them.

But before we dive in, I thought I’d just mention that this topic was requested by someone on Instagram. So, I thought I would just quickly say that if you’re on Instagram, then please come and say hello.

My username is simplyfiercely. I’m not a huge social media person, but I do hop on there fairly regularly to share tips about decluttering and minimalism. Occasionally, personal updates, but I do try to stay on topic with things like decluttering, minimalism, simple living, etc.

If you’re curious, please feel free to come and say hello!

I take questions, so if you’re listening to this podcast, and there’s something that you want to hear more about, please comment or you can just ask me about anything that you’re curious about. Just keep it within reason, please.

What are Clutter Cycles and why go back to the cycles again and again?

Okay, so back to today’s episode.

As I said, we are talking about clutter cycles.

First thing first, I want to define what I mean so we’re all on the same page.

When I say clutter cycle, I am talking about yo-yo decluttering.

Which is a bit like yo-yo dieting.

I think everyone’s probably a bit more familiar with that term, but if you’re not, it’s when you diet and then you gain weight, and then you diet and you gain weight over and over.

I don’t really want to go on about dieting too much in case that’s triggering for anyone. But I think you get the idea.

It’s when you are stuck in a loop, working towards any goal, really. It feels like you’re taking two steps forward, two steps back, and just not getting anywhere.

You’re not getting any closer to your goals.

So specifically, when we’re talking about clutter cycles, what usually happens is that people make some progress in decluttering. You know, they get rid of a few bags of stuff. But then they end up shopping again.

What happens is that time passes and before you know it, you feel like you’re right back where you started.

If we look at the question that I was originally asked, it was ‘How do I stop this cycle of decluttering, and then buying things again?’

That’s what we’re going to talk about. I’m going to break down why it happens and what you can do to stop it.

But first, I want to point out one really important thing.

If you feel like you’re stuck in one of these clutter loops, it’s not automatically a bad thing.

I know it might feel really frustrating because you look around your house and feel like you’re doing all this work but you’re not making any progress.

But we’re only human, and who we are often changes with time.

I read this great quote the other day in a blog post by Claire Baker. If any of you know her or haven’t heard of her, she’s an Australian coach and she teaches about menstrual cycles and how to live better in tune with your body.

The blog post she wrote was about the way that people change with time.

She was specifically talking about coming out of two years of being in the global pandemic and how people have changed.

She shared this quote that really spoke to me “We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.”

The quote was by W. Somerset Maugham.

The point I’m trying to make is that people change. When we think about this in regard to clutter, it makes sense that our physical possessions are going to change, too.

You’ve reevaluated the things that you used to think were important, and maybe now those things aren’t as important as they used to be. There’s something else that matters a bit more now.

Ultimately, there are a million ways that we can change. If you need to change your stuff, in order to feel like you’re living true to yourself, then I don’t think that you should feel bad or guilty about it.

Jennifer’s year-long shopping ban

I’ve talked about it before, but I am in the middle of doing a year-long shopping ban, where I’m not buying any clothes.

That might sound great to some people, it sounds like a really admirable thing to do.

But I want to point out that if I tried to do that a few years ago, it would have been horrible. There’s no way I could’ve done it.

I had two kids in four years and during that time, my body completely changed. So, I bought new things. I don’t feel like, guilt or shame about it.

Sometimes the changes aren’t as obvious as your body changing, but your life changes and it’s okay to change the things that you need.

Ok, back to the clutter cycle. I think what’s really important is that it comes down to the awareness behind your choices.

If you are in a cycle of decluttering and buying new things, and you feel like it’s happening because you are changing as a person, that’s okay.

You might not even be changing, but you’re just figuring out who you are.

After I had my second child my body completely changed and I had to learn how to get dressed again, which I know might sound very dramatic, but it really felt true to me.

My body was so different from the first nearly 40 years of my life and I had to figure out how to dress it again.

That learning process meant trying new things, learning what made me feel good when I was comfortable, and then having to let go of what wasn’t working.

That is absolutely normal and I support anyone who’s going through this.

Figuring out what you need. From your clothes, or your hobbies, or even your kitchen or anything in your life.

The first reason people get stuck in the clutter cycle.

The problem is when we don’t learn from what’s not working, which brings me to the number one reason why people get stuck in a clutter cycle: it is a lack of clarity about what you want or need.

For any of you who read my blog, I probably mentioned this already, and in past episodes of the podcast.

You will have heard me say this before, but I’m going to keep repeating it because it is so, so, so very important.

One of the number one reasons why people have clutter is because they’re not clear on what they want from their homes and their lives.

If we go back and I’m talking about my post-baby body, I went through a stage where I had a lot of clutter in my closet.

I’ve had a minimalist wardrobe for over 10 years now.

During those years after having kids, it was when I had the most clutter and the biggest challenge was with my closet.

It’s because I wasn’t clear on how I wanted to dress myself. I didn’t know what style looked good on my body or what was even comfortable to wear.

If we go beyond the closet and look at other examples, it could be something as simple as not knowing what style of decor you want to use in your living room.

I don’t know anything about interior decorating, I’m sorry if this sounds silly. But do you like coastal or modern? Most people don’t fit into these tiny boxes as it is. It’s more your own style.

If you are still confused about your own style, then you’re going to end up with clutter because you’re buying things that you think are your style but then they miss the mark.

An example of not knowing or being confused about your own style.

Here’s an example of how it all relates to the clutter cycle.

I think this is very relatable to most people. You walk into a shop, let’s say Target. We have that in Australia, and I know how big it is in America.

You walk into Target, and you see a picture frame that you like. You think ‘Oh, that’s beautiful’, you feel attracted to it, I really liked this picture frame, I’m going to buy it.

But then you get home, and you realize that the frame doesn’t really belong anywhere. You move it around the house and no matter where you put it you can’t find the right place for it. It doesn’t really belong.

Then a few months later, you end up decluttering and the frame that you liked, but don’t really love after all, ends up being decluttered.

Then a few weeks later, you’re back in Target and the same thing happens. You buy something else you like, you get it home, and it doesn’t really work for you.

That’s an example of the clutter cycle in progress.

For a lot of people, what happens is that you end up fixating on the stuff. Something didn’t work, whether it’s in your living room, your kitchen, or your closet, something that you bought didn’t quite work.

You think the problem is that you need to go shopping again to find something better.

But the problem is how we are getting stuck in the clutter cycle, we don’t even know what better means.

If you haven’t figured out what it is you really want, or what you need or what you like, then how can you know what better is?

You just keep randomly buying things and the cycle continues again and again.

To stop this, you need to press pause.

As I said earlier, I’m not saying that you need to stop buying new things or that buying things is bad. You don’t need to be this extreme minimalist who doesn’t ever buy anything.

What you need to do is to start thinking intentionally about what you want. Before you go shopping at a bare minimum, you should write a list. Be clear about exactly what you need.

If you’re a little confused, one tip is to look at the things that you’re decluttering.

If we go back to the picture frame example, if you loved it, but it never worked in your house, ask yourself, why. Was it the color, was it the design, etc.?

Try to figure out why it didn’t work for you so you can stop making the same mistakes. That will help you break the clutter cycle.

The second reason why you get stuck in the clutter cycle.

The next reason you might be stuck in a clutter cycle is that you are an emotional shopper.

Before we go too far down this road, let me just preface this by saying, I think almost everyone is an emotional shopper. Why? Because we are all human.

We all have emotions, and they tend to influence the things that we do. I just want to point this out, because I think there are some really negative connotations associated with being an emotional shopper. I don’t think it’s fair or helpful. And here’s why.

If you already identify as someone who’s an emotional shopper, and you think it’s a negative thing, then you’re just going to feel guilty or ashamed.

When you have those feelings, then it’s hard to address the issue. Nobody wants to feel guilty. No one wants to be ashamed. No one really wants to look at the things about us we feel are embarrassing or bad in some way.

So, we don’t want to look at why we emotionally shop, we just kind of want to pretend it doesn’t exist.

I did that. I was a massive emotional shopper and what I did was, I went in the opposite direction.

I embraced this identity where I was like, I love shopping. I’m one of those extreme shoppers. I used to post these memes on Facebook, you know, like, ‘Life is short, buy the shoes. Hahaha’.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. But for me, I was overcompensating. I was so embarrassed and kind of ashamed about being an emotional shopper that I went this other direction and pretended that I thought it was the most fun thing in the world, just so I wouldn’t feel embarrassed.

If you identify as an emotional shopper, you’re going to feel like it’s hard to manage if you think that there’s something wrong about you.

Alternatively, if you don’t identify as an emotional shopper or if you think that’s not me, ever. That can also be a problem because it’s like having a blind spot.

It’s like when you say, oh, that doesn’t apply to me, so I don’t have to worry about it, when it’s probably more of a grey area. You can’t fix what you can’t see.

On the other extreme, if you pretend like you never emotionally shop, then you can’t try to fix it or control it.

I don’t even know what the word is. It’s not really fix because nobody needs to be fixed. Right? But I guess it’s just having awareness.

Back to the clutter cycle, keeping things on track here.

Emotional shopping is a problem with regards to the clutter cycle, because if you are buying things in reaction to an emotion, then it does not matter what you declutter, does it, right?

Because on a deeper level, it’s not about the stuff, what you buy isn’t really that important. Instead, it’s how you feel when you’re shopping.

Even if you don’t identify as a shopaholic, that isn’t to say that you don’t occasionally indulge in emotional shopping to take the edge off what you’re feeling, right? I think everybody does to some extent. And that keeps you in a clutter cycle.

So how do you break it?

I’ve said it a million times, it’s all about self-awareness.

Are you going shopping after you have a fight with your partner? Do you do it every time you get overtired? There are a million different reasons that could make you shop. It’s different for everyone.

But once you identify your emotional triggers, you can recognize it and take steps to deal with those emotions in a way that doesn’t involve shopping.

That will help you break the clutter cycle.

The third reason you get stuck in the clutter cycle.

The next one is outdated beliefs or habits.

What I mean here is that people in general, tend to live by certain rules.

It might have been something that you were intentionally taught.

Maybe your parents taught you some sort of rules of life, or maybe it’s something that you absorbed as a member of society or on TV, etc.

Here are a few examples of what I mean.

You may have been taught that it’s normal to upgrade your wardrobe every season. Or that it’s weird to wear the same outfits all the time.

Another one would be that, you know, just popping into the shops to have a little browse every weekend is a fun way to spend an afternoon. Or that people judge you as a person by how your house looks.

Now to be super clear, these are just a few different things that you may or may not believe about life. I’m not debating whether they’re true or not, or whether they’re morally right or wrong.

But what I am suggesting is that we should all consider our beliefs, and ask ourselves, if they’re helping. If they’re supporting us to get the outcomes that we want.

For example, let’s take the belief that it’s weird to wear the same outfit all the time.

Again, I’m not morally judging it, everyone has their standards.

Some people wouldn’t wear the same outfit twice in a month, and that’s normal for them.

Or some people would feel it’s weird to wear the same outfit twice in a week. And other people would wear the same outfit every day.

What I’m saying is that whether you believe it’s true or not, you’re correct. There’s going to be someone who thinks you’re weird, and someone who doesn’t.

So, in a way, it doesn’t even matter what you think either way, you’re going to be right and wrong.

You can decide what you want to change, what you want to believe or be intentional on what you want to do.

I invite you to think about the life you want, in terms of clutter. Do you want to be constantly buying clothes each year or not? Maybe you do. Again, I’m not judging you.

I’m just asking you to think intentionally about what you want. Because what I find is sometimes there’s a conflict.

Someone might say, I would love to do a shopping ban for a year. I’d love to minimize my wardrobe. I want to simplify my life in these ways. But I don’t believe in repeating outfits during the week, or I believe that we should update our wardrobe every season.

You can see that there’s a conflict there.

Ultimately, what you need to do is decide what you want to change.

It’s kind of like having your cake and eating it too. You can’t have two contradictory things be true.

You’ve got to decide. Do you want to change your goals? Or do you want to experiment with changing your beliefs? Could you try new beliefs, and see if you could get more comfortable with them?

This is something I know I’m going a little bit out there. And maybe I will eventually do a whole episode about this because honestly, it is something that has had such a huge impact on my life.

But I guess for right now, I’ll just be open to the idea that you can decide what you believe about shopping or stuff in general. Then you can use that belief to break the clutter cycle.

Some things are black and white, but for most things, it’s gray. You can choose what you want to believe.

You can choose that people are judging you when they come to your house, or you can choose that they’re not. I mean, you’ll probably never even know so you can just decide what you want to care about or not.

The final reason why you’re stuck in a clutter cycle.

As I said, maybe I’ll do another episode about that.

It is something that we talk about in my group program. I’ll tell you more about that at the end of this podcast but I have a group decluttering course and we talk a lot about our beliefs and the way that they influence our clutter.

But for now, let’s quickly move on to the final reason why you’re stuck in a clutter cycle.

This is a big one, you have what might be considered unrealistic expectations that lead to a constant need to upgrade your life.

Let me start by saying that this is something I am very familiar with. It starts with what I call the decluttering permission slip.

It’s almost like some sort of unwritten role that when you’re decluttering, you get to reward yourself by upgrading and getting nicer things. It’s almost like this hyperfixation on less but better.

It’s like, yes, I will happily declutter my 10 pairs of jeans, but then I’m going to go shopping, and I’m going to buy the best, most perfect pair of jeans in the universe.

I don’t know if anyone else has done this, but this is something I used to experience all the time.

And then this is what happens, again, in my experience.  I would go out, so I’ve decluttered 10 pairs of jeans and now I’m shopping and I’m feeling really good about myself.

It’s like, oh, I can go shopping because I got rid of all this stuff that I don’t wear. I’ll buy this pair of jeans that I think are going to be a miracle. I’m going to buy these and they’re going to be perfect.

I’ll never need another pair again and I’ll have this perfect minimalist wardrobe. I’m going to pat myself on the back.

But then after a few wears, ultimately, I always found some kind of flaw. Some ways that these jeans are not living up to my most perfect pair of jeans in the universe’s expectations.

Then I’m disappointed, but I’m like, Alright, still patting myself on the back, I downsized from 10 pairs. I’ll just run out and I’ll buy another pair.

It’s okay though, because, again, I’m still feeling good about myself.

But then the same thing happens. This next pair again, is not the most perfect in the universe. And the cycle continues.

Nothing lives up to my expectations and before I know it, I have 10 more pairs and I’m right back to where I’m started.

If you can relate, how do we stop this? It starts with looking at our expectations.

This is big.

Anytime you’re shopping and you want to buy the best of something, you’ve got to be a bit mindful that you’re not expecting a miracle.

Enough is enough

Again, I say this with kindness because I’ve been there.

With the jeans, I was never satisfied, because I had this vision that I was going to buy a miracle pair.

It was the same when my kids weren’t sleeping when they were babies. I thought I would buy some kind of sleep gadgets or sleeping bag or some new pajamas that were going to magically fix it.

But the hopes and expectations I was putting on each new purchase, were sky-high and outrageous.

Another place we see this is in the kitchen, I do it all the time.

I’ll see some kitchen gadgets like a chopper with a special blade. Use this and suddenly your life is going to be 10 million times easier.

There are things that we can buy to make life easier. Absolutely. I’m not going to deny it but there are limits aren’t there?

There are limits and sometimes we have to realize when we’ve reached them.

Instead of constantly searching for something that might make our life the tiniest bit better, or the tiniest bit easier, we have to realize enough is enough.

We’ve got to say this is good enough. Because if you’re always looking for something a tiny bit better, you’re going to be stuck constantly searching. Constantly decluttering. Constantly upgrading.

You have to ask, how much energy am I putting into buying new things? Spending money? Decluttering? Constantly looking for something that might make my life that bit easier?

How do we stop that? You need to ask yourself, What am I trading off? Is this worth it? Have I reached a limit? Have I reached a place where ‘Enough is enough?

And that’s how we break the cycle.

Join the group program Clear Your Clutter

Those are my thoughts on why we get stuck in the clutter cycle and how to break them.

And as I said, if you enjoyed this episode, and you want help putting these tips into action, my group program Clear Your Clutter helps with this exact thing.

It’s my signature program and I’ve helped hundreds of women from around the world.

We tackle the physical clutter in your home, the clutter in your schedule, how to be less busy, etc. We also deal with shopping. How to scale back your shopping so you can spend in a way that’s better aligned with your values and your goals.

There’s a full prerecorded program that you get lifetime access to. But each time we open the doors, there are eight weeks of live calls, plus an online community where you meet like-minded people.

If you want to learn more, please check it out here simplyfiercely.com/clearyourclutter.

You can read all about the program and get on the waitlist, so you don’t miss out because we only open the doors twice a year.

That’s all for today. Thank you for listening.

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