When I first started decluttering, I thought it would be like spring cleaning: sort through a few drawers and donate what I didn’t need. Sure, I’d have to put in a little elbow grease, but as long as I put in the effort, I’d get the results I wanted: a clean, minimalist home.
But that’s not what happened.
Instead, it felt like I was taking one step forward and two steps back. I’d declutter for a bit and make some progress, but then I’d hit a wall. Emotions, memories, self-doubt — it would all bubble up, and I wouldn’t know what to do.
So I’d take a break, shove everything back into drawers, and promise myself I’d try again later. But then the cycle would repeat, over and over.
Looking back, I realise what was really happening: every time things got hard, I backed away instead of digging deeper. I was avoiding the real work — the uncomfortable emotions and beliefs underneath the clutter — and that’s why I stayed stuck for so long.
I’ve since decluttered over 80% of my belongings (and helped hundreds of women on their own decluttering journeys), and looking back, one thing is clear:
Decluttering often gets harder before it gets easier.
Your clutter is more than just “stuff,” and the real challenge is uncovering (and healing!) what it represents. It takes effort, but when you make it to the other side, it’s all worth it. Let’s take a closer look at how it’s done.
Clutter Is a Placeholder
One of my biggest “ah-ha” moments when it comes to decluttering is understanding that, in most cases, clutter is a placeholder. Each item represents something — a decision, a fear, an identity — that needs to be faced. And until you face it, you can’t let go.
Here are a few examples from my own life:
- I kept “going out” clothes for a social life I didn’t have because I hadn’t accepted that my lifestyle had changed.
- I held onto sentimental items because I hadn’t forgiven myself for mistakes I’d made in the past.
- I kept kitchen gadgets because I thought every “real” adult woman should own them, and I had yet to challenge those beliefs.
- I held onto old textbooks because they made me feel smart—a way of covering up insecurities I wasn’t ready to deal with.
It took a while, but once I began to see this pattern, I realised that my clutter was like an emotional map. Every pile pointed to something I needed to process, not just something I needed to tidy.
The Emotional Work Comes First
When you first start decluttering, the easy things go quickly — the duplicate utensils, the chipped mugs, and holey old socks.
But once those are gone, what’s left are the items that mean something. This is where most people get stuck, and from experience, there are two ways forward.
You can try to bully yourself into letting go by telling yourself, “memories live in your heart, not your things,” or by scolding yourself for being so emotional. I’ve tried this, and let me tell you — shame is a great motivator (at least in the short-term).
It’s almost like going on a binge diet. You get mad at yourself for “letting things get so bad”, and that anger fuels action. But in the long term?
It’s not sustainable, which is why I recommend a different approach. In the words of Dr Susan David, our emotions are signposts. If you’re struggling to let go, explore those emotions and figure out what it is you need to deal with.
To circle back to my own story: I struggled with self-worth, and deep down, I thought owning the “right” things helped me fit in. From designer handbags to four-inch heels — those items were proof that I belonged.
And if you think about clutter through that lens, is it any wonder I found it so hard to get rid of things?
Of course not, which is why the emotional work must come first.
Rewriting Your Stories
Once you understand the emotional roots of your clutter, the next step is to begin working through them. Sometimes this looks like forgiving yourself for mistakes, and other times, you’re challenging beliefs from childhood.
It’s a lot to cover (which is why I teach an eight-week program twice a year — you can join the waitlist here), and I can’t possibly share it all in one blog post.
But I can say that the best place to start is with your stories.
What are the beliefs that make it hard to let go, and how can you rewrite them in a way that makes decluttering empowering?
For example, one thought I clung to before decluttering was the belief that “successful” women wore certain items (like designer bags, expensive blazers, and very high heels).
This made it hard to let go because I wanted to be a successful woman. If I got rid of those things, what would that say about me?
The story I told myself made it almost impossible to let go … until I wrote a new one.
Successful women wear what they want.
Getting to this place was hard. It required emotional vulnerability and a level of self-compassion I didn’t know I could show myself. But it was also a tipping point.
Once I embraced these new thoughts, decluttering was almost effortless. Every decision didn’t torture me. Instead, I had clarity and confidence, and everything else began to flow.
Questions to Ask When You Feel Stuck
If you’re standing in front of a drawer or a closet right now and feeling stuck, here are some questions to help you uncover the emotional work that needs to be done:
- What does this item make me believe about myself — and is that belief still true?
- If I knew I was already enough — smart enough, capable enough, loved enough — would I still feel the need to keep this?
- What would I have to feel or face if I let this go?
These questions can turn frustration into insight, and insight into action.
It Gets Easier From Here (And Better!)
I know this is a lot of work, and it’s probably not what you expected when you embarked on your decluttering journey. You weren’t looking to unpack layers of old beliefs — you just wanted to get rid of stuff!
But here’s the good news: once you begin, it’s like an unravelling. The stuff that holds you back (mentally and physically) starts to fall to the wayside, and the decluttering that felt so hard in the beginning finally gets easier.
It also gets better.
Most people start decluttering because they want less stuff to trip over, and that’s a good reason to get started! But the benefits of decluttering actually go far beyond a tidy home, and deeper self-awareness is at the top of that list.
It’s been a journey, but at 44, I feel more confident in my skin than ever before — and I know that in a roundabout way, decluttering has helped me get here.
All this to say: yes, decluttering does get harder before it gets easier. But it is so, so worth the effort.
Has this been your experience with decluttering? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
Looking for Decluttering Tips + Support?
If this post resonated with you, be sure to check out my Clear Your Clutter program. Doors open twice a year, but you can get on the waitlist so you don’t miss out!
You might also like to read:
Letting Go When Decluttering: How to Make Peace with Uncertainty – We don’t want to make choices we’ll regret while decluttering, so how do we overcome the fear of letting go? This perspective will help you come to terms with the uncertainty.
5 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Started Decluttering – Everything I’d tell my younger self about decluttering (if she’d listen!).
Why “Does This Spark Joy?” Isn’t Always the Right Decluttering Question – If this question didn’t help you declutter (because sometimes everything sparks joy!), here is a different way to approach decluttering that might just work for you.
The Science of Decluttering: Work With Your Brain, Not Against It – As the saying goes, knowledge is power! When you understand why letting go is hard, you also discover ways to work around it.
