How to Find Your Footing After a Big Life Change — Even If You Feel Stuck

There’s a particular kind of “stuck” that shows up after a big life change, and it’s not always obvious at first.

It’s quiet and disorienting because nothing is technically wrong, but everything feels a bit off. You’re doing the things, keeping up with the responsibilities, showing up in all the usual places — and yet you can’t shake the feeling that your life doesn’t quite fit anymore.

It’s a feeling I know well.

Over the past few years, my life has changed in ways I didn’t expect. I became a single parent, and somewhere in the middle of figuring out the practical stuff (school runs, dinners, the never-ending admin of being a grown-up), I realised something else was happening.

I was finding myself again, which is a very cliché thing to say after a breakup! But a lot of who I’d been — how I saw myself, what I prioritised, what I tolerated — had been tied up in my past relationship. And once that relationship ended, it wasn’t just my circumstances that shifted… it was my sense of self.

Maybe you can relate?

Whether it’s divorce, bereavement, retirement, or something else entirely — change happens. And what once served us (habits, hobbies, relationships, or even our physical possessions) might not “fit” like it used to.

I see this often in my work as a decluttering coach — which often feels a bit like a life coach — so I wanted to share something that has helped me and my clients navigate big life transitions.

It starts with a lesson I learned from my daughter on one long, sleepless night …

I originally wrote this in 2022, but after a few tumultuous years, it felt like the right time to update this post. Like many lessons, they show up time and again. – Jen

What my two-year-old taught me about change …

When my daughter was two, she suddenly went through a phase of screaming at bedtime unless someone sat with her.  

I’m pretty sure this is normal for young children, so I didn’t think too much of it. Instead, her father or I sat there every night and waited, trapped on the floor in the dark. 

It was frustrating to be stuck—but there are some things that we just accept, right? Months passed, nothing changed, and we spent hours on the floor.

Then one night, I had to escape to use the toilet. I left the door open and snuck to the bathroom …

And to my complete surprise, when I came back, she was sleeping. 

I quickly realised that she didn’t need someone sitting there every night—at least, not anymore. She just needed the door left open. After that, I never had to sit with her at bedtime again.

Now, I don’t know when this shift happened. Maybe if I had tried to leave the night before, she would have cried for me to come back.  

But maybe not. Maybe if I had tried something different earlier, instead of just assuming, I could have saved myself months of long, boring evenings on the floor. 

I’m not telling you this to share parenting advice. (Trust me—if there’s one thing I’ll never write about on the Internet, it’s kids and sleep!) 

But I can’t help feeling there is a lesson here for everyone. 

In what ways are you stuck in a toddler’s bedroom, wasting your precious time and energy, when really you could just get up and walk out the door?

Adjusting to change and getting unstuck

When I think about that night, and then about the past few years, one thought comes to mind: sometimes we get comfortable with discomfort.

As a decluttering coach, I know that sometimes people spend years surrounded by stuff that overwhelms them because they want to avoid the discomfort of getting rid of something and maybe needing it someday.

In a similar way, we can remain stuck after a big change because the discomfort of trying new things, of change, or of “going backwards” feels too much. We choose known discomfort over unknown discomfort — but in the process, we close ourselves to new possibilities.

So how do we change this? The lesson I took from those sleepless nights is to challenge my assumptions. Of course, you can do this anytime, but I think it’s especially powerful after a transition or life change.

What stories have you told yourself, and what assumptions have you made about what is or isn’t possible?

Here are some ideas you may want to consider from different areas of life.

1. Your home

After a big life change, our homes are often one of the first places where things stop fitting — even if we can’t quite articulate why.

You might find yourself surrounded by things that once made sense but now feel oddly out of place. Furniture chosen for a different lifestyle. Clothes for a version of you who no longer exists. Drawers full of “just in case” items from a time when you had more energy, optimism, or certainty about the future.

In decluttering, I often see people living around their homes rather than in them — navigating piles, avoiding certain rooms, tolerating constant low-level irritation. Not because they love the clutter, but because they’ve assumed dealing with it would be harder than leaving it alone.

It’s worth asking: What am I keeping because it still adds value — and what am I keeping because I’ve assumed I should?

Sometimes finding your footing starts with clearing space so you can see what fits now.

2. Your commitments and goals

How do you spend your time, and what goals are you chasing?

It’s surprisingly common to carry commitments forward long after the reason for them has disappeared. Roles you took on when life looked different or favours that became expectations.

We often stick with these out of habit, or because it feels easier than renegotiating our place in the world. Saying yes can feel simpler than explaining why you’re stepping back — even when that yes quietly costs you time and energy you no longer have to spare.

In the same way, we chase goals that we’ve long since outgrown, or no longer align with our values or priorities. Certain milestones feel like things we “must” achieve … but is that still true? (Or was it ever?)

It can be helpful to reflect on these questions:

• What’s on your to-do list that doesn’t need to be there? 
• What are you afraid to do because you’ve failed in the past? 
• What are you chasing because it’s what everyone else is doing? 

3. Your routines and daily habits

Of course, not everything is up for debate. There are many responsibilities that don’t fade away in the face of change (and new ones that pop up!). But how can you know for sure if you don’t challenge your assumptions? 

And it goes beyond your to-do list. Think about your relationships, boundaries, finances, and so much more. In what ways are you stuck only because you haven’t allowed yourself to imagine change?

If you’re not sure, ask yourself this: What are I doing simply because “it’s what I’ve always done”? And if you feel resistance to new ideas — “I can’t do that” — push back. Ask who wrote those rules? And why do you feel you have to follow them?

4. Your interests and hobbies

This is a gentle reminder:

• You don’t have to cling to old hobbies just because you’ve invested a lot of time or money
• It’s OK to challenge stories that begin with “I’m not that kind of person” or “It’s too late’
• You’re allowed to do things “just because” and you don’t have to justify it

From personal experience and client work, I know that women in particular lose touch with joy. We spend a lot of time caring for others, and struggle with deeply held beliefs around what we’re “allowed” to do. But periods of change (while often scary) are also an opportunity. Find what makes you happy, and do it often — and without guilt.

5. Your assumptions about yourself

This is by far the most important lesson I’ve learned.

I have spent many years underestimating myself, and it kept me stuck: stuck in relationships, stuck in jobs I hated, stuck in debt, stuck, drowning in my clutter—because I didn’t know I was allowed to ask for more, or I assumed that change would be too hard. 

I used to tell myself, “I’ve made my bed, and now I’ve got to sleep in it.” 

But time and again, life would push me to the limits, and I learned that when you’re backed in a corner, you leap even when you have no faith that things will work out. 

The job I couldn’t quit because I’d never find anything better? The relationship I couldn’t end because it would hurt too many people? The compulsive shopping habit I couldn’t change because it was just too hard? 

It wasn’t easy or quick—but eventually, I proved all of my assumptions wrong. And while I trust the timing of my life and try to live without regrets, I can help but wonder what would have happened if I had acted earlier.  

Instead of staying stuck in my fears and doubts for so long, maybe all I had to do was get up and walk out the door.

Related Posts: 6 Things to Declutter When You’ve Had Enough of Everyone + Everything

Moving on from change

I believe that life comes in seasons, and some are harder than others. 

Sometimes we just need to be patient, like when we’re caring for loved ones or just starting out with our careers. We feel stuck because we want to be somewhere else, but it’s just not the time yet.

But other times, a season has ended, and another is waiting—but you’ll never know unless you get up and test the waters. 

Challenge your assumptions, and if it feels hard, start small:

• Cross things off your to-do list without actually doing them
• Declutter a closet, even if you “might” need things later
• Set a firm boundary that you’ve been too afraid to ask for
• Apply for a job that you don’t think you’re qualified for
• Take a nap when you should be doing something else
• Pick up a paintbrush, even if you’re “not creative.”
• Decline an engagement that you don’t want to attend

Maybe it won’t go well, and then you’ll deal with the fallout. Or maybe you’ll find that this is your chance to get unstuck and finally move forward. You’ll never know unless you try.

Recommended Reading

If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy:

• How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty In 5 Simple Steps 
• How To Live Your Own Life + Be True To Yourself
• Letting Go When Decluttering: How to Make Peace with Uncertainty
• 5 Things Decluttering Taught Me About Love, Loss + Letting Go

Have you ever felt stuck because you assumed something was true … only to find out it wasn’t the case at all? Let us know in the comments!