If you’re struggling to let go of the past, here are some heartfelt tips that will help you move forward.
Like most people, I’ve faced a lot of challenges in my life. There’s been the “normal” stuff, like losing loved ones and the breakdown of relationships.
There have also been …. a few curveballs, like a parent with acquired brain damage. This meant I didn’t have much stability growing up, and I certainly didn’t have a very traditional childhood.
Now, I’m sure that I’ve had it harder than some and easier than many others. No one gets through life without a few bumps in the road.
The question is: how do we find the balance of honouring our past and history—without letting it limit or hold us back from moving forward?
I will attempt to answer these questions by sharing what I’ve learned from my lived experience. These are things that have helped me with letting go, and hopefully, you’ll find some value in these lessons as well.
What Does It Mean To Let Go Of The Past?
First and foremost, I want to point out that “letting go of the past” doesn’t mean that you just move on and forget about your history. Our past experiences are a part of who we are, and we can’t just sweep it under the rug and forget about it.
Instead, I think that “letting go” is more about being intentional and deciding what our past means for the future.
Here’s an example that might give you some perspective. My son recently started walking, but of course, he spent a lot of time falling over before he took those first few steps.
Now, those falls are part of his past, and nothing can change that. But what does that say about his future?
On the one hand, falling over 30, 50, or a hundred times could be seen as evidence that he’ll never walk and he just can’t do it. After all, that’s probably what you or I would think if we tried something and then failed repeatedly.
On the other hand, each fall could also be seen as proof that he’s trying. As parents, we celebrated every single stumble because we knew that he was getting so close. And now he can walk—in fact, he’s running all over and destroying the house.
So let’s think about this for a minute. Obviously, we all know that a baby falling over a few times doesn’t mean that he’s a failure.
But how often do we tell ourselves stories like this about our own lives? How often do we choose to view a little stumble as evidence of our incompetence instead of an act of perseverance?
This is what I mean by letting go of the past. We aren’t ignoring our history or forgetting about old hurts. But we are making a conscious decision about what beliefs we’ll continue to carry as we move forward.
3 Steps To Letting Go Of The Past
Here are a few steps that have helped me move on and let go of the past in a way that still honours and respects my history.
1. Start by telling your stories.
Before we can move forward, we have to understand what holds us back. What thoughts, beliefs, and stories are we telling ourselves about past events? We need to create a safe space to figure this out first before we can even begin thinking about the future.
I think the best way to do this is with a pen and paper. Open up your journal and write about your past hurts, your past relationships, your past mistakes—all of it. Pour everything out and don’t edit or judge yourself.
You don’t have to fake positivity or try to put a positive spin on things if that’s not how you feel. Instead, give yourself permission to share negative thoughts or emotions that you may have been suppressing. Just open up, release any feelings of guilt, and let it all out.
When you’re done, take a little break. Get some fresh air or make a coffee; then once you’ve had some space, come back to your writing.
I find that doing this is a powerful way of gaining perspective about my own life. I have more self-compassion and I can look at my stories objectively, without feeling overwhelmed by heavy emotions. It gives me a starting point—I can see the good things and the hard times—and prepares me to take the next steps.
2. Acknowledge your feelings.
For a long time, I had the biggest fears about seeming weak or needy. I didn’t want to acknowledge all the hurt that I felt, so I often covered it with anger, resentment, or indifference.
I used to think it was empowering to pretend not to care, but I’ve since learned that your past always catches up with you. You can’t decide how to move forward until you’re honest about your feelings and you face past trauma head-on.
- If someone broke your heart, allow yourself to be heartbroken.
- If you made a mistake, allow yourself to feel the pain and regret.
- If you’ve ever felt abandoned, it’s OK to wish you’d had someone there for you.
Years ago, I lost someone very close to me, and one of the things that helped me the most was a neighbour. I barely knew him, but he knocked on my door and told me that his little sister had died a few years before. He didn’t say anything else, but he hugged me, and I cried.
What was so powerful about that moment is that, in the presence of someone who understood, I was finally free to feel everything that was building inside of me. I’d been hiding my negative emotions because I wanted to be strong.
But at the end of the day, we’re all human beings. Feeling hurt is not only normal—it’s also an important part of the healing process.
It can be hard if you don’t have additional support, but I’ve since learned that we can hold space for ourselves. You just need to set aside time to sit with your emotions instead of turning away or shutting down.
Of course, if you have the resources to connect with a mental health professional or a support group, then those are wonderful options. But I know that’s not possible for everyone, so do the best you can and be kind to yourself.
3. Decide what to carry moving forward.
This is where things start to shift. Once you’ve dug deep and felt all the feelings, you can start deciding what to let go of.
It’s pretty funny because, as many of you know, I’m a minimalist, and I write a lot about decluttering. And honestly, there are so many parallels between letting go of the past and letting go of our stuff. (In fact, I’m a firm believer that the two go hand in hand.)
But my point is that sometimes, we have to make a conscious choice about what no longer serves us. Like an old, beloved t-shirt that’s been relegated to the rag pile—sometimes it’s simply time to say goodbye.
It doesn’t mean that we never loved that t-shirt or that it didn’t serve an important role in our lives for many years. But perhaps it’s time to start a new chapter.
We can learn from the past. We can mourn for what was or what could have been. But eventually, there comes the point where you must make a decision. Not to forget where we came from but to choose where we’re going and what we’re packing for the journey.
Now to be clear, I know that people are dealing with past relationships, difficult family members, traumatic experiences and so much more. Bad things happen to people and of course, it’s more complicated than decluttering your closet.
But at least, give yourself a chance. If you’re struggling with old memories and the weight of the past, it might be a good time to let go and open your heart to new opportunities.
Related Post: 4 Ways to Stop Letting the Little Things Bother You
6 More Tips For Letting The Past Go
If you’re struggling to move on, here are a few more tips you might find helpful:
- Embrace duality — for example, you can feel angry or sad about something that happened in the past while also feeling grateful for the lessons the experience taught you.
- Be patient — letting go of the past isn’t something you sit down and check off your to-do list. It’s complicated, and it takes time. Sometimes you need help, especially if you’re dealing with trauma or mental health issues.
- Try keeping a journal — journaling is a powerful tool that can help you heal your relationship with the past. Here are some journaling tips you might enjoy.
- Practice self-care and self-love — The more you love and honour yourself, the easier it to make tough decisions about letting go. Take care of your physical health, create supportive daily routines, and invest in positive experiences.
- Experiment with mindfulness meditation and being in the present moment.
- Be mindful about how you use social media — if certain accounts or pages trigger painful memories about past situations, you might need to set stronger boundaries.
Related Post: The Long Road to Self Acceptance
Final Thoughts On Letting Go and Moving On
If this blog post makes letting go seem overly simplistic, it’s because there’s only so much I can convey in a thousand-ish words. There’s so much work that goes on behind the scenes.
Still, I’ve found that taking the first step of having a conversation with yourself—about who you are and where you want to go—can be powerful. Slowly but surely, one foot in front of another, we can walk forward towards a brighter future.
What does letting go of the past mean for you? Let us know in the comments! x